The Awesome Annmarie!

Check us out!!

Don't we look beeyouteafull?!! We both have Annmarie to thank for that! She always looks amazing and makes magic with my hair, which at the best of times is somewhat fine and sparse. She manages to make it look and feel wonderful.

But she really rose to the challenge yesterday, when I showed up with easily half my normal head of hair and asked her to shorten it.

The last time I wore my hair short was 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Gaby. And I didn't really care for the style then. But it wasn't Annmarie who was caring for my hair then, so perhaps that's why!

Yesterday, she worked magic and we both loved  the result, as did Jean, who was actually 'processing' while I was there.

I came with clean wet hair. Not my norm, but given the amount that I was shedding, I chose to take care of it at home rather than ask that of Annmarie. It was coming out by the handfulls. In my wise decision to stop brushing it after last washing it on Tuesday, I think I made the situation worse. I always put my hair up in the summer heat, and when I took it down Thursday night before bed, it was a loose and matted mess. Except that this time, when I was trying to untangle the matts, the hair would just come away from my head. Kind of creepy, actually. Once it's away and gone that's fine, but pulling my hand away from my head and seeing what I call gorilla hands (hands covered in hair, like when we bathe Roxi!) is a very strange feeling. Knowing that it's your own hair.

What was also weird was looking at my hair, and part (line, as Gaby calls it) before stepping into the shower yesterday morning and seeing how much it had 'widened' once I was done.

However, you wouldn't have known how little Annmarie had to work with when you saw the final result. She actually started cutting with a different style in mind, then changed her mind halfway through. An artist with a vision!

I love it and wish I had more time to enjoy it!

Written advice and accounts that I've read about chemo and hair loss suggest cutting your hair short before you start losing it. But a part of me still didn't know, for sure, if I was going to lose it. You don't really believe it until it starts to happen. Nurse Betty didn't say I might lose my hair, she said I WOULD lose it. And she should know! Even now, it's happening, and I know it will be gone soon, but I still can't envision it all gone. I do know that now that I have my new hair style, I wish I had cut it sooner.

Annmarie styled and scrunched it and used hairspray not only to hold the style, but to hold those hairs in place a little longer. It looked great all day, for my lunch and trip to IKEA with Nary, for my dinner at LuLu with Marc and for my night out with Carole and Elizabeth to finally see Eclipse. (I'll also mention that Nick spent the afternoon and evening with friends celebrating one of their birthdays, Gaby enjoyed another marathon Monopoly game with Sarah all afternoon, and Marc got his weekend off to an early start with a Friday afternoon round of golf)

I always enjoy my appointments with Annmarie. A chance to catch up and laugh. Yesterday was as much fun as always. Occasionally, there are other clients there and they're always nice people too. Jean was certainly no exception.

I'm thankful that Gaby came along to snap photos, even though I think a visit with Buddy the dog was more her motivation.

I'm thankful for Annmarie and the gift of this haircut. Yes, when she was done, I was told that this was a gift. Thank you Annmarie! You know how much I love it and as I said, I only wish I could enjoy it for longer.

Gaby snapped quite a few pictures from different angles, so we do have some images to reference when it starts to grow back and I finally have enough hair to style again.

Many people who experience hair loss due to chemo find that when their hair begins to grow back it can be a different colour, thicker, curlier. I'm hoping for all of those, unless the different colour is all grey! Though Annmarie also works wonders with colour, so that should be the least of my worries.

Many say that hair loss is the most traumatic of the chemo ordeal. Too early to say at this point, but it's certainly strange and unlike anything else I've experienced. I'm sure I'll have a better idea after a few months of hairlessness. But what I can say is that, like everything else I've been through since my breast cancer diagnosis, going through it with the love and support of so many amazing people, family, friends and sometimes even strangers, is what makes it manageable. They certainly buoy me.

Thanks again Annmarie!

Cook For A Cure -- Recipe Books Now Available!

My lovely friend Jasmine was working her buns off last year collecting, as she put it, delectably delicious, divinely sinful, family favorite recipes, from her friends, family and fans, for The Cure Congenital Muscular Dystrophy Cookbook. It is now ready for advance ordering! I've placed my order and received confirmation that it will ship mid-August. Can't wait!

If you're interested in ordering, please following this link to Jasmine's blog, the post with the ordering information.

If I didn't know about all of the scrumptious recipes inside, I could be tempted to purchase it just for the fabulous cover art. Jasmine and her son Isis are the creative force behind it. Isn't it awesome?!

Please consider checking it out. It's in support of a great cause!!

Hair Today, Gone Friday

Trac, the timing of the scarf was perfect. I will, in fact, need it!

Monday night, when I took the pony tail holder out of my hair, more hair than usual came with it. Yesterday morning, when I ran my fingers through my hair, same thing. My friend Elizabeth compared it to hair after childbirth, when we start losing it again. I thought that was a good comparison, cuz it's coming out by the handfuls.

And yesterday when I was showering and gingerly shampooing my hair I thought how ironic it was that I had to be so very cautious with the remaining locks on my head, and still had to worry about shaving my legs and pits. The tweezers aren't going to get a break either, from what I can tell.

Last weekend, my hair started feeling 'sore'. You know that feeling when your hair's been up/tied back for too long? You really notice it when you release it, as if it's been bent the wrong way for too long. Well, I realized my entire scalp had been feeling that way and didn't put two and two together til yesterday. I'm guessing it's all part of literally letting go of my hair.

I went out for coffee last evening with some girlfriends. Except for some Moroccan Oil, I made no attempt at further product or styling. Everytime I touch my hair, long strands fall away. So I went out with wet hair, and as it dried, I felt more hairs falling on my arms and shoulders, a tickle here and there. Shedding like crazy!

I realized I had to take the next step, and was lucky enough to reach Annmarie yesterday afternoon. I have an appointment Friday at noon for a short crop and we'll probably have to follow up in a week or two with the clippers. Sadly, I'm not the first person she's had to do this for, so at least one of us will know what to expect. I've trusted her with my hair for years and I'm so glad she's around and available to do this for me. Being summer, I wasn't sure if that would be the case, so I'm thankful it worked out. I feel much better placing myself in her hands.

I'm no longer brushing my hair as I'm trying to preserve it for as long as possible. I'm looking forward to a pixie cut on Friday. Something along the lines of Ellen's style perhaps. The only problem is that I can't style it and it's really starting to look unhealthy already, though that could be the lack of product that I'm too cheap to now 'waste' on my hair!

I tried to snap a 'last' picture of my hair this morning. I was getting ready to dash out the door for my 8:00 mall walk, and thought I tried myself, as the kids were still in bed. Now Manon does great self-portraits with her camera. I cannot. What you see is the best of a dozen attempts. Granted, I was rushed. But none were good. I didn't find this out til after I came home from my walk and put my hair up in a lovely camo scarf to bake cookies.

Be assured that I feel better than I look in this picture! Hadn't washed my face or applied make up of any sort, though there might be some of yesterday's residue. My hair's already looking sparse, though as I said, the brush is put away, so that doesn't help it's appearance.

Good morning!!

Yesterday's mail brought another surprise package, similar in size and shape to Tracey's from the day before. I should also mention that Tracey and Brenda, the sender of this package, are former co-workers and some of my potluck girlfriends.

It was another beautiful scarf in different, yummy colours, and the same lightweight cotton and fringe. Very 

cool!

 

More emotion this time. Not because of the sender, though Brenda and Tracey would like to argue that!  Because in the time that passed from receiving that the first one on Monday to the second one yesterday, I realized that I would need them. Something else that I will keep close to me, from two dear friends who are so close to my heart.

Great Days

Have happened pretty much every day since my diagnosis. It really doesn't take much to make a day great. Those especially crappy days, like a day of surgery, tests, and now, chemo, can quickly be turned around in a thousand different ways.

Since my chemo started, Gaby asks pretty much every morning, how I'm doing, feeling, how I slept. A lovely way to start a day.

Since sharing the news of my diagnosis and this journey, not a day goes by where I don't receive some sort of message, not so random act of kindness, love. Meals, books, cards, phone calls and electronic messaging via email, text, IM, blog comments. All great.

Yesterday was a banner day. I received an email from my cousin Peggy. We just haven't kept in touch over the years and keep up on each other's goings on through our parents. But yesterday she wrote, sharing words of encouragement and support not only from herself, but from her parents and siblings too.

She also shared a quote:

Instead of asking, "Why am I having to deal with all of this? ask yourself what you most need to learn from your experiences. View the situation much like the butterfly must see its cocoon....as a barrier you must break through to become the extraordinary creature you were designed to be."     ~Betty Mahalik~

Put a smile on my face and warmed my heart.

But that wasn't my one for the day. Yesterday brought the averages up!

I grabbed the mail on the way to drive Nick to his guitar lesson. It was fat and squishy, which can mean a package, which is always fun. Not one to wait, I was driving and opening. It was from TX, my friend Tracey, and I knew before I opened it that it was a scarf. A beautiful scarf. With a beautiful card in which she wrote that she knew I wasn't going to need it, but just in case . . .

Pretty, isn't it?

Turns out I missed some of the mail, which I noticed on my way back into the house. Two more cards. Both from Canada. More words of love and support from my friend Brenda, and a card from my Aunt Joanne, sending love and good wishes from the entire family. I hit the trifecta in yesterday's mail, let me tell you! Or perhaps I should consider it a hat trick! Either way, it was lovely!

Then last night, there was  knock at the door, early evening. A neighbor, Mrs. R, whom I wave to more than talk to just because of distance, was at the door, to give me a hug and good wishes, as she'd just heard my news. She herself had gone something similar in February, unbeknownst to me, and she's doing very well. She lost her husband several years ago and has remained vibrant and independent; where I see her most is in her yard and gardens. Fit and positive, it was a delight to receive a visit from her.

Under the heading of great days, I should also mention last Thursday.

Gaby's friend had slept over the night before, and just as they were getting ready to head off to their morning at Robbins Park, there was a knock at the door. Julie and her Dad Steve, from across the street, were delivering dinner all the way from Delaware. They're my friend Elise's family (part of the family) and Elise had told me a couple of days earlier that they'd be coming in from their summer place, with a meal.

In the bit of commotion that resulted from them coming and the kids getting ready to go, I forgot to snap a photo. I'm sure Julie was relieved anyway.

Delicious pasta with chicken and mushrooms, salad, rolls, and a blueberry cake/streusel that Nick practically inhaled. Yummo!

After camp, Nary invited us for lunch. It was just Gaby and me. Nary made quesadillas and chicken for the kids and these scruptious noodles for us.

 

Good without hot sauce and even better with. But I don't keep up with Nary when it comes to hot sauce. She grew up eating it like I did ketchup.

We spent most of the afternoon there, Gaby and Nary's daughter playing monopoly for about 3 hours. They played one quick game and then started a second which still wasn't over when it was time to go home. Intense.

My Aunt Judy sends regular emails and I came home to one of her encouraging and uplifting emails. Subject lines like: "I'm Proud of You" warm my heart.

A relaxing day for me. The only food I prepared was scrambled eggs for breakfast. And of course, warming Elise's pasta. Easy day in the kitchen and yummy for my tummy.

No More Secrets

From the day of my diagnosis, I've never really felt like I had cancer. Not that I had any idea of what that SHOULD feel like. But I didn't feel any different. Didn't look any different.

Having started chemo last week, that could change soon. In preparation, I did some shopping on etsy and one of my purchases has arrived.

It's a pretty batik fabric. Carole said it's me.

I don't think I'll mind the loss of my hair as much as the loss of my status. I'll go from blending in and being like everyone else, to, well, not.

This hasn't been a deep dark secret and I've never wanted it to be. But up 'til now, it's been easy for all of us to forget about it, put it out of our minds. Not that we do. We talk about it alot, especially since starting chemo. But it's just not staring us in the face.

When I took my prescription for the latest and strongest anti-nausea medicine in on Tuesday, I was asked what it was for. When I looked at the packet, it had chemo printed within the instructions for use. If there's a next time for filling that prescription and I show up with my new headgear, they may not feel the need to ask why I need it.

I don't think I'm prepared to lose my hair, because until it starts happening, I don't think it's gonna happen. If that makes any sense. It's not denial; I just don't know how, other than practical preparation like having a lovely scarf at the ready, you prepare for that.

In any case, it will make for some interesting posts, don't you think?

Dan Dan the Parking Man

Dan is actually the parking ATTENDANT at the Cancer Centre, but I couldn't resist the rhyme. While I didn't watch the Gong Show much, we all knew about Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. Showing my age here. You know, the Gong Show, back in the 70's?! Google it.

Tuesday was my follow up appointment with Dr. N, the medical oncologist in charge of my chemotherapy. I dropped the girls off at their Robbins Park camp (Gaby and her friend) picked up a huge shaken black tea lemonade from Starbucks (where, by the way, the smell of coffee is still a sad turn off!) and headed to the Cancer Centre.

It's adjacent/attached to the hospital and has it's own valet parking. Just for people using that building and it's facilities. Nice, because it's small, close and during the week it's always the same person running the show. Dan always has a smile and a kind word -- a nice way to begin and end appointments and treatments that aren't always pleasant.

I had been thinking about a monthly parking pass for August, since I have two treatments and at least two appointments, and was going to ask Dan about it. Parking is $5 a shot and a monthly pass is $10.

Well, Dan beat me to it. He asked about my upcoming schedule and pointed out that the powers that be had just raised the price of parking to $7.50. Wow! So he suggested a pass that would be issued that day, Tuesday and expire with the end of my chemo, mid-September. Very nice of him, I thought, and we agreed to settle it when my appointment was done.

I was early for my 9:45, having come straight from Robbins Park, so I had expected to sit awhile. That was not the case. I was taken back after sitting for about a minute. Just enough time to get my magazine open. Weighed, BP'd and blood drawn. BP was kind of high for me, 127 over something, but no one seemed concerned. Weight the same as a week ago, which is good for going through a week of nausea and eating what I felt like. Bowls of salt and vinegar chips for dinner and containers of Kozy Shack rice pudding when nothing else tasted good. And can't forget the hamburger helper!

What also surprised me was that my blood levels/counts hadn't changed. I only know this because I get a copy of it and side by side, last week, right before chemo, was the same as this week. Does that mean the neulasta is doing it's thing?

I met with Dr. N and Nurse Betty right on time. The doctor said my counts probably haven't dropped yet, as indicated by the bloodwork. Nadir is the term applied to this, the low point. I'm not sure of the correct terminology. I can't remember if she said I hadn't nadired yet, or reached my nadir. I'll have to clarify that with my next appointment.

We discussed the bone pain, which was actually less severe Tuesday than Monday. I had taken ibuprofen Monday night and again Tuesday morning, which seems to help. Dr. N also said that based on timing, and what I had told her, that should be the worst of it. And she was right. I felt a couple of twinges throughout Tuesday, but nothing as severe as Monday. That's a good thing.

I was still feeling the foggy head/brain and nauseated, and told her so. Both she and Nurse Betty seemed concerned about this and suggested pulling out the big guns with respect to anti-nausea meds, for next time. I was given a prescription for Emend, a tripack of 3 capsules, and told to fill it asap, just in case. Meaning, just in case insurance doesn't agree. Precertification might be required and have to be requested by the doctor's office. Once the prescription is filled, I'm to bring it with me for my next chemo.

Having gotten an early start, I was out of there shortly after 10, got my lovely red parking pass from Dan, and headed to Target.

Sure enough, the gentleman behind the counter asked the pharmacist to look at the prescription, came back and asked what it was for, and then told me they'd be checking with insurance. Standard in a situation like this. So I was surprised to come back to the filled prescription, though insurance stated something about 30 days. Now, that won't work for my 3 week chemo cycle, but since we don't know how effective the Emend will be, its not a problem, yet.

I have been keeping track of meds, my food intake, and how I've been feeling every day, in the hopes that the period of time following each chemotherapy will play out in a similar way, and I'll be able to plan better, both for myself and the kids.

Interesting journey, this.

So This is the Bone Pain

Silly me to think that I might not recognize it. Talk about discomfort. Painful. Worthy of prescription pain meds. Yuck.

I woke this morning at 4:44 a.m., extremely uncomfortable. My back hurt, and I thought I had just slept funny. Til I woke fully and realized this was a new sensation, right where Nurse Lesley said it would be. Lower back, pelvic area. I went downstairs and heated my lavender and flax filled heating pad thingy in the microwave, and tried that for awhile. When I found myself still awake and uncomfortable 45 minutes later, I decided a tubby was in order.

So I filled the tub and finished off my book club book, then shampooed my hair and even shaved my legs. All before 6:00 a.m. Efficient.

Popped tylenol as well, because that's recommended as the starting point. I was told that many people take prescription pain meds. While we have some in the house and I still have an unfilled prescription from my recent surgery, I'd rather not go there. The only thing I've been taking has been the pepcid for heartburn, and of course tylenol. But I needed to keep the heat on most of the day and I found walking and standing at times unbearable. Not to mention that I'm moving much slower.

I searched a bit online for some information on neulasta side effects and how different people handled them. Some people surprisingly found relief from Claritin (not D) and others said Ibuprofen or Naproxen did the trick. I think I'll try the Ibuprofen and see if it's a bit more effective.

On a positive note, I'm not really having trouble eating, but rather just finding foods that are appealing. So like when I was pregnant with Gaby 10 years ago. Even the same time of year. And so much alike, that, when Nick suggested DQ Blizzards last night in honour of National Ice Cream Day, we did! Banana Split Blizzard with Vanilla Ice Cream. Got a wee bit of fruit there!

So I'm missing this:

My spices. Seasonings. Food with lots of TASTE! I did have some chips and salsa today. I sampled a bit at Fresh Market earlier when I was in search of tea biscuits (which I didn't find) and I brought some of that Sarah's Salsa home.

I'm finding beverages that are working for me:

Water, of course, V8's tasting yummy and I think I've have to stock up on that skinny sport water. It's good and goes down easy, which will be important for round 2, where my goal is to try extreme hydration right after the chemo. It's supposed to make you feel better sooner. Worth a try.

I also know that walking will make me feel better, but until I get this bone pain under better control, I can't see that happening. Mall walking might be in order, to get out of this oppressive humidity, but probably closer to the end of the week.

I have my appointment with Dr. N tomorrow. I would imagine she'll be checking my blood to see where I'm at. Sometimes I feel a bit feverish, but everytime I've taken my temp, it's been close enough to normal that I don't have to worry. I'm interested to see how tomorrow goes.

For tonight, I'm popping that Ibuprofen, warming my heating pad, and turning in early.

The Weekend

Quiet and uneventful.

Gaby spent Saturday with her friend Amy, swimming in this oppressive heat. Nick hung out with his friends day and evening. Marc packed for his overseas adventure. I, vegged.

I finished off the hamburger helper for breakfast yesterday (Oh if I didn't know better I'd think I was preggers!) Had a cucumber salad for lunch. The kind my Baba used to make, with sliced cukes, vinegar, sour cream, and seasoned salt. No dill and/or black pepper though. Since Nick's friends were going to be here for dinner, as well as Gab, and Marc would be gone, I ordered pizza. Good old Rosario's. A cheesesteak pizza, which I'm sure would have been much better with the onions and hot peppers. But that's for another day.

Not sure about the bone pain. Still feeling the nausea and foggy headedness. I tried one of the anti-nausea pills Friday morning, but haven't taken any since. Wednesday, I took the two different types as directed, and still felt nauseous, but who knows how I would have felt without it. All I've taken this weekend is the tylenol, and I feel better with than without it.

I've taken my temperature most every day and it's been normal or just slightly high, so nothing to worry about there.

I slept alright Saturday night, even with squirmy worm Gaby. When Marc is away, she usually sleeps with me. Even though she's a bit of a bed hog, she's a great cuddler.

This morning, Sunday, I actually made scrambled eggs with a bit of cheddar. A normal breakfast food for breakfast! V8 to go with it, which makes ketchup on my eggs unnecessary. My big plan was to try to walk this morning, hoping that would clear the fogginess that seems to linger in my head. But when I stepped outside at 7 a.m. it was 80 F, about 27 C, so I decided to use the Wii. You can watch TV and the Wii will time out a predetermined pace. I opted for 20 minutes and that was enough for my jelly legs. But it really didn't do my head any good. My friend Robin suggested mall walking and I think we might just have to try that. I think I'd feel better after doing that than steps on the Wii in my living room.

Chatted with Marc briefly on Skype this morning. Honey, I love chatting with you but I don't like when you decide to call me so that you can show someone else how Skype video works! Marc is in Zurich and I met his friend Hans and his entire family -- daughter, wife and son -- shortly after my Wii walk.  Marc was at their home for dinner, and he kept trying to coax me into better light so they could see how great the video was! I was going all vampire, trying to stay in the shadows!

Gaby was invited to spend the day with her friend Claire. She was very excited, as they've been away all last week and the girls have a lot of catching up to do. They also planned to take her with them to another neighbor's for a cookout -- even more fun.

I decided on another outing to Target. Not rain nor hail nor sleet nor chemo will keep me away from Target when the school supplies go on sale. This week:  binders! I figured I could kill two birds with one stone, since Target now carries a lot of grocery items. So besides the binders, markers, post it notes and mirror that I had promised Gab for the back of her door,  I picked up LOTS of Kozy Shack Rice Pudding, vanilla yogurt, OJ, cereal, eggos, and some oranges. A beeline to Sam's for some frozen berries and I headed home. I should mention that I love smoothies with vanilla yogurt, OJ and frozen strawberries, blueberries, etc, but the one I tried to make on Thursday tasted yucky. I'm thinking it might have been because I had no strawbs, and the yogurt was sugarfree (Marc's) So I'll try again with my 'normal' ingredients and hope that it's better this time.

I spent quite a bit of time on the phone this afternoon with my friend Nina, who's son is friend of Nick's. This November will mark her 6 year anniversary as a breast cancer survivor. We had so much to talk about. Though everyone's experience in this battle is different, there is so much the same. So much that she went through and completely understands. It's comforting. Reassuring. In many ways, not the least of which, that, 'so I'm NOT going crazy' way. Especially this nagging, foggy head/brain feeling. Like I had just one too many cocktails. But it's been the next morning and the next and the next, and it hasn't gone away.

Nina said she remembers feeling the same way. She shared the story of her neighbor going through chemo at the same time, and how different the two experienced it. Reassuring to me, as this experience hasn't been quite as textbook as was spelled out to me. Which is also another reason to document it. I probably won't remember much once it's all said and done. We like to forgot the unpleasant things!

Nina also remembered a cook book she had acquired during her chemo: Eating Well Through Cancer . She said she'd look for it and drop it off if she was able to find it.

Not only did she find it and bring it by, she also brought over a bottle of Skinny Sport Water, pink berry citrus flavour. It's chilling in the fridge right now. She had picked them up at the Shop 'n Bag this afternoon, gave me my choice of most appealing flavour, and delivered it, with the cook book, shortly after we got off of the phone. I'll let you know how it is Nina -- thanks!

My friends and family continue to call, write, email, IM, text with messages of love and support. Nary called me today, while I was at Target, to nab Gaby this afternoon, with the same intentions as Claire's family. I love hearing from everyone and it really does lift me up. It's the boost, the encouragement I need. And that I am so thankful for.

Gaby's doing a Robbins Park camp during the mornings this week, Nick has his usual Monday allergist appointment and guitar lesson, and I have an appointment with Dr. N on Tuesday and Jacki on Thursday. Marc's not back til the weekend. The forecast is for the 90's all week, nothing really under 30 C. No break in the weather. Whatever will be, will be.

Spa Treatments During Chemo

Gaby is sweet, thoughtful, considerate. Since Tuesday, she's asked me every morning how I've slept, and throughout the day checks to see how I'm feeling. (she also checks to see if I'm losing much hair yet!)
So it was really no surprise to me that she chose to stay home Friday, instead of hanging out with friends, and 'take care' of me. Spa style.

Though I had to veto any snacks, since my appetite was still impaired, and nixed the scented candles due to lingering nausea, I still enjoyed a comfortable and relaxing atmosphere. Gaby transformed her room with lighting, music (my ipod) and some mild aromatherapy.

I had to dress for the treatments:

Comfortable loungewear.

Lotions, potions and cucumbers for my eyes.

Temple rub, hand and foot rub, and a back massage.

Lucky me. And the best part?

Cuddles, snuggles and kisses.

Oh and we did share a lavender tubby after all of that. I felt AWESOME.

And loved.

Quick Thanks!

I figure if I slip this post in between a couple of others, maybe Liz and Sue won't really notice and won't get upset with me sharing these photos.

This is Liz delivering dinner Tuesday, first chemo day. It was SO good and I was able to enjoy it. Especially the salad, which I heaped on my plate the second time round. It was a good thing I filled up on those veggies, cuz I haven't had much since then!

By the time Sue delivered dinner Thursday, I couldn't eat much of what she brought. I did enjoy the baked potatoes with plenty of sour cream though. And it makes me feel good to know that my family is well fed. I didn't feel like doing much more than dialing a take out number that day, I tell you!

Sue was back about an hour later, as she had forgotten a dessert she had made, Toll House Pie. Again, it looked so yummy, like something I would have loved, but I didn't even try a nibble.

The kids weren't too concerned about my loss of appetite. More for them.

Now, Marc is participating in A Biggest Loser Challenge at work, so he didn't have any dessert. It was just Gaby, Nick and Jess.

This is what was left a short time later.

The Day After Chemo and The Day After That

Have been pretty much what I was expecting. Blah!

Nurse Betty recommended that I take the Lorazepam Tuesday night, to sleep. With all of the stuff pumped into me on Tuesday, apparently I wouldn't have slept well without it. Not taking any chances, I took the pill and slept for over 8 hours. Marc said he tried to have a conversation with me around 5 a.m., but I was incoherent and don't recall a word. The drugs did their trick.

So Wednesday and Thursday have been pretty mundane. Steroids again Wednesday, anti-nausea meds all day. Regular breakfast of granola cereal and blueberries, but by lunch time I felt like nothing more than some snap peas and apples sauce. Separately, of course!

Gaby spent the afternoon with her friend Rose, Nick just hung out at home, and I had an expected visited from Nurse Lesley, with my Neulasta injection. I should also mention that Nurse Tara, who tended to me during me chemo, called on Wednesday morning, to see how I was doing. I'm feeling well taken care of.

Nurse Lesley had also called in the morning to schedule her visit, to deliver the Neulasta  and teach me how to inject it. The plan was originally for Marc to inject it, but he couldn't make it home at the appointed time, and I felt confident enough to give it a go.

And that's why there's no pictures! I was fully prepared to snap a photo of Marc administering the shot, but since it was me, first of all, I had no free hands, and secondly, the easiest place to self-inject was into my belly roll. And no one wants to see that!

She was here for about an hour, going over the paperwork, required medical history, checking my vitals, all of that stuff. She also had the practical information about the injections. That each of them costs -- gulp!! --  $3250.00. For ONE injection. And that our insurance would pay 90%. That still means that the 4 shots would be $1300 out pocket. Crazy! Though I believe we've used up most of my $1000 in network deductible and that's where our 10% would come from. It remains to be seen just how much all of this is costing. It's also interesting to see the statements from insurance company indicating the actual costs of all this treatment. Astronomical.

I also had to sign a form saying something to the effect that I would take good care of the additional dose left here to be used after my second chemo, that I wouldn't sell it, that sort of thing. If it does what it's supposed to do, it's invaluable to me, so I think I'll keep it!

There was enough of Liz's yummy chicken dinner left to feed the family. Me, I just had some rice pudding. Boring, but all I felt like eating. Reminds me of early pregnancy.

Wednesday was much the same. Since one of the anti-nausea meds causes drowsiness, that's the one that is recommended for bedtime use. I don't think it helped me sleep as much as the lorazepam, but it was effective enough. I dozed off and on once Marc got up, but didn't crawl out of bed til, oh, 10ish. Granola and fresh blueberries for breakfast, but it's not tasting as good today. I could tell right away I needed the anti-nausea meds again, so I popped one of those.

Yesterday, I was drinking mostly green tea with mint, but today I opted for ice water with lime. That seems to go down better, and I've been advised that keeping myself hydrated, especially the first days following chemo, is key to feeling better sooner.

Yesterday morning I didn't feel too bad, but by afternoon, the meds made me drowsy, and that lingered all day. So today, I stuck to the one anti-nausea pill that didn't list drowsiness as a side effect. Still feeling nauseated and just kind of out of it.  Gaby hung out with the Smith's and Jess came over to keep Nick company. I did manage to get to the post office to finally post Pier's package,  and picked up some ground beef at Joe's. To make Hamburger Helper. Gross, I know, but just like when I was pregnant with both Nick and Gaby, it's something I feel like eating. Never at any other time, but obviously it's something I can handle with my tummy in this delicate condition. Nick was rolling his eyes at me. Couldn't believe I was not only making it, but going to eat it. But it went down real good.

This 'delicate tummy' also frustated me when my friend Sue delivered a delectible London broil for dinner, with mushroom gravy, baked white and sweet potatoes with toppings for both, and delicious salad. She came back about an hour later with a forgotten dessert, Toll House Pie. Everything smelled so good, and looked so good, but I just couldn't eat right now. So frustrated, but happy that my family is well fed! All I had was the baked potatoes, but the family enjoyed everything and the kids declared that pie awesome! Thanks Sue, for taking such good care of us.

That's where I'm at two days after chemo. Just where I thought I would be.

Chemo - 1 down, 3 to go

Well, the chemo was better than the weather! We Pelletiers never seem to do anything without drama and today was no exception!

Marc was in KC yesterday, returning home on a flight arriving in Philly at 10 p.m. Except that it was cancelled, due to, apparently, weather. So he got a flight to Charlotte NC, but just missed the last flight out to Philly. So he spent the night there, rising before dawn to catch a 6 a.m. flight to Philly, arriving at 8. Should work. Except that he was traveling USAir, which is notorious in this city for the slowest luggage delivery anywhere. But the flight was light, and he actually saw his bags coming off of the plane before he deplaned, a good sign. We had to leave home shortly after 9, 9:15 at the very latest, to get to the hospital on time. But we didn't plan for the rain.

It wasn't just raining. It was a torrential downpour that was flooding and closing roads. Marc called to say traffic was crawling down the Blue Route, mostly due to visibility, or lack thereof. We had thought I would call someone to get a ride, and he would meet me there. But by the time he called from Plymouth Meeting, 10-15 minutes away in light traffic and good weather, it was already 9:15. So we decided I would drive myself, he would catch up with me, and then later, he would get someone to drive him over when it was time to pick me up, as I wasn't allowed to drive home. But we didn't realize just how bad the roads were.

I got past the Sandy Run Creek, which often floods Twining. Traffic was also moving slowly here, as it was still pouring. But when I got to the school on Susquehanna, the road was completely covered with water, curb to curb. All the way to Genuardi's. We navigated that stretch slowly and cautiously, which gave me time to call the doctor to advise that I was running late. No worries there.

Got through that, up the hill and back down, and with that low ground came more water. The intersection at Highland, where I had to turn into the hospital was blocked by police cars, and there were both fire trucks and ambulances trying to figure out alternate routes. I was a bit panicked, so I jumped out of the car, jacket open, wading through the water, to ask the police officer if he knew of any alternate routes that were still passable. He directed me back the way I came, to Wheatsheaf, which took me around and back to the hospital via mostly high ground.

Days like this you've got to love valet parking. Can't say that the guy who works there does, but it's great for us. Though I was so soaked at this point that it wouldn't have made a difference.

I did call Marc and tell him not to come. His car is lower, and he would have had even more trouble nagivating the roads. It was still pouring and it might have taken him so long to get there, that I would have been done with the doctor by the time he arrived. I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr. N at 9:30, and start my chemo at 10. But I think it was at least 9:45 when I arrived, so everything was moved back. The best laid plans.

As usual, everyone at the Rosenfeld Cancer Centre, where I'm receiving treatment, is so gracious and wonderful. Worried about me being wet and reassuring me not to worry about being late. While I was waiting to see the doctor, there were announcements coming over the hospital system advising people that some parking lots and parkades were flooding and vehicles would have to be moved. I had visions of spending the day and night there!

Even though I had my little point and shoot with me, I was so stressed on the drive there that I forgot to take it out. I called Gaby just after I left home to have her snap a photo for me. She got this shot out the front door:

It got worse before it got better. But you get the idea!

Dr. N and nurse Betty went over the chemo, the side effects, the meds, and any questions I had. At my last visit, I had been given 3 prescriptions to fill, 1 for the steroid for before and after days, and 2 anti-nausea meds. Today they added lorazepam, which is prescribed for anxiety, but in my case, is to be taken this evening in case I have trouble sleeping. It can also help with nausea, apparently.

I don't anticipate trouble sleeping given that I only got about 2-3 hours last night, but I'll take it anyway. They said for tonight I should.

Then it was off to the treatment room. Got a corner chair, with a TV, and right across from the bathroom. Good for someone with no experience wheeling around an IV pole, though with all of the water and iced tea I drank, I was fairly good at it by the time I left.

That's the TV up in the corner. I didn't listen to music, but the ipod earbuds came in handy for the television. Water, iced tea, green tea mints, lip gloss, phone for texts, pins and emails, book club book, journal and a magazine.

A nice warm blanket over my soggy self. That's the bathroom. Right there. Nice and close.

The chemo.

IV. No port required, since I'll only be there another 3 times.

My lucky Jaz bracelet. Looks better than the hospital-issued one!

The view from my corner. There are 6 nurses and several volunteers taking great care to make sure the patients are well looked after. I know I was.

The actual chemo took two hours. Following saline and I believe, another steroid, both given by IV, the first of the two chemo drugs was administered. The oncology pharmacy determines the dosage based on height and weight. I told them they had to compensate for the extra weight I came in with today -- wet shoes, wet clothes, wet hair! They have you leave your shoes on when you weigh in to keep the germs and bacteria to a minimum in a place where low immunity is common.

First was the Taxotere. Tara, my nurse, sat with me for the first ten minutes to make sure I had no reaction. Burning at the IV site is common. A stomach ache or discomfort in the chest can also occur. All went good.

Exactly an hour later the bag was empty and they changed it out for the Cytoxan. This time, I was told to let them know if I felt like I was getting a sinus headache, as they could adjust the flow. Again, no problem, though when nurse Betty came by, she said the headache could occur at anytime, even hours later. She told me to let them know for next time if that was the case, so they could slow it down a bit for subsequent treatments.

Its not feeling like a sinus headache, but rather like I went swimming and got a bit of water up my nose. Easy enough to live with. But I won't speak too soon. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Jim, our awesome neighbor, got Marc to the hospital just as I was done. We were out of there by 2:00.

And I came home to this:

Thanks Gaby girl! XO

I'm still not feeling too bad right now. Shortly after we got home, we turned around and went to pick up Gab's new glasses, dropped Nick off at his girlfriend's, and fueled up and picked up photos at Sam's. It's been almost 5 hours since we got home from the hospital. My feeling OK might also have something to do with my dear friend Liz delivering a yummy dinner of BBQ chicken, mac and cheese and a fabulous, loaded salad. Soooo good, and enough for tomorrow. I did snap her picture, but haven't downloaded it yet. I'll share it soon.

I can't say enough how much I appreciate all that my friends and family are doing for me, for us, during this time. I know I keep repeating myself, but what a blessing. I'm a lucky girl!

I'm Whirling!

T-1  day til chemo, round 1, treatment 1, whatever you call it. Chemo starts tomorrow. I've been instructed to take these steroids the day before and day after, 2 pills, 2X day. With food of course.

I took 2 pills this morning with breakfast. By lunch, I was feeling a bit weird, light-headed, and revisited the side effects.

When I had the prescription filled, I read the big long list that accompanied it. But today, I just folded out the little piece attached to the bottle. Common side effects: difficulty sleeping, feeling of a whirling motion, increased appetite (yippee, I just lost 2 more lbs. on Marc's biggest loser challenge and now this!), increased sweating, indigestion, mood changes, nervousness.

Nervousness?! Heck yeah.  Don't need steroids to bring that on. I'm having freakin' chemo tomorrow for the first time. I have no idea what to expect. I know it's basically poison being pumped through my veins. The list of potential side effects is long and horrible.

Nervousness?! I guess so!

Kindness and Flowers

I am repeatedly overwhelmed by the reaching out, the love and support offered by everyone. My friend Heidi did the Susan G Komen walk on Mother's Day and picked up a book for me, Finding the "CAN" in Cancer  As the foreward states, it's a pragmatic and practical handbook on dealing with the details of cancer treatment; a book with helpful and inspirational vignettes; and most of all, a story of friends. It states that battling cancer with an optimistic and upbeat attitude is a challenging task and that it helps to have friends. While it also states that it's even more helpful to have friends who know what you are up against, I'm thankful to have friends of both varieties, those who know and those who don't. I'm thankful to each and every one of them, friends and family alike. Thanks Heidi!

Kindness and support comes when you don't expect it. Not that I'm surprised. Our dentist and his staff are all warm and wonderful people and we've been with them since moving to PA 13 years ago. Debbie, our dentist's wife, and Kelly, are the receptionist/hygenist/office support folks. We love them all and Gaby especially extolls their virtues. She's had 3 teeth filled on three separate occasions, and was so comforted by Kelly holding her hand that first time, getting her through the unknown. The third filling was last week, and Debbie gave Gaby a sweater to wear, as the AC had made the place a bit frosty, but was necessary with the 100+ temps of the week.

And two weeks ago, when Gaby went for x-rays and had that third cavity diagnosed, Debbie surprised me with flowers.

(she's not going to like me posting the picture here -- she only agreed to being photographed with Gaby!)

But I want to share the picture here. Aren't they beautiful?! I was so touched.

Marc had been  there a couple of weeks earlier, and told them of my diagnosis and upcoming treatments. Debbie also left a phone message for me that day, offering her prayers and support. That touched my heart also.

I'm very good at remaining composed when discussing my breast cancer. My prognosis is excellent, so all's good. But I still get choked up when I talk about how thankful I am that I'm not going it alone. How wonderful it is to have so many people reaching out in so many ways. And that's how I felt when Debbie gave me the flowers. Choked up. So very appreciative. So very lucky.

Their beauty warmed our home for a week, but the warmth and kindness behind them will last a lot longer.