Thursday, July 22, 2010

No More Secrets

From the day of my diagnosis, I've never really felt like I had cancer. Not that I had any idea of what that SHOULD feel like. But I didn't feel any different. Didn't look any different.

Having started chemo last week, that could change soon. In preparation, I did some shopping on etsy and one of my purchases has arrived.


It's a pretty batik fabric. Carole said it's me.

I don't think I'll mind the loss of my hair as much as the loss of my status. I'll go from blending in and being like everyone else, to, well, not.

This hasn't been a deep dark secret and I've never wanted it to be. But up 'til now, it's been easy for all of us to forget about it, put it out of our minds. Not that we do. We talk about it alot, especially since starting chemo. But it's just not staring us in the face.

When I took my prescription for the latest and strongest anti-nausea medicine in on Tuesday, I was asked what it was for. When I looked at the packet, it had chemo printed within the instructions for use. If there's a next time for filling that prescription and I show up with my new headgear, they may not feel the need to ask why I need it.

I don't think I'm prepared to lose my hair, because until it starts happening, I don't think it's gonna happen. If that makes any sense. It's not denial; I just don't know how, other than practical preparation like having a lovely scarf at the ready, you prepare for that.

In any case, it will make for some interesting posts, don't you think?


1 comment:

  1. I was thinking about that as I was driving around Washington this week. I thought about WHAT I WOULD GIVE to have no body hair - being the gorilla that I am; but then I thought about eyelashes! You know, I have tons of tricks (being the makeup artist that I am), so feel free to pick my brains should the need arise. I once pulled out 3/4 of one of my eyes lashes due to curling them and tying my shoes at the same time - not good! But no one noticed until I actually pointed it out - how good am I at the old eyeliner!!

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