Thoughts On Hair

I've written this post over and over in my head, but never put it to paper, so to speak.  As time goes on and my hair starts to grow once again, I want to record as much as I can remember about this time of hairlessness.

Losing my hair as a result of chemo was not traumatic, but certainly a bit of a shock. Especially when handfuls of my long locks started falling away from my head. I was shedding more than Roxi!

But this is about more than the hair on my head. Chemo did a number on most of the hair on my body, especially that which I shaved or plucked -- it just ceased to grow.

I really didn't miss shaving my legs and pits, and loved giving the tweezers a rest. No brows or chinny chin chin hairs to rid myself of.

While the summer heat made me feel worse during chemo, it was nice to have smooth, if a bit pasty, chicken legs those times I ventured outside.

Actually, feeling crappy it was nice not to have to invest a lot of time in grooming. Showers were pretty quick. A little spot of shampoo on my scalp, nothing to shave. In and out in no time. And once I was out, I didn't have to deal with drying or styling my hair. 

I saved time and money, though the cash was redirected to headcovers.com,  a site from which I ordered several scarves and hats.

Chemo does different things to different people. I was frightened by the long list of side effects prior to starting, and relieved that, as with most drugs and medications, most don't apply.

Something else that Marc and I both noticed was how very smooth my skin was. Everywhere. My legs, my arms, my back. My elbows, which are always rough and wrinkly. Smooth. Break outs were minimal in the places that are usually problem areas.

Its been almost 2 months since I finished chemo. Besides eating and feeling more like myself, my skin has returned to its normal, and my hair is growing back. Sparse leg hairs, not much to pluck on my brows and chin, and almost a quarter inch of dark and grey on my scalp. I've gone from the soft pink puppy belly, to soft and fuzzy like new growth on a baby's head.

Sometimes, I go bare headed. Always at home, but occasionally, when I'm out. Truthfully, it's just been too cold lately to keep my head uncovered. I actually find the back of my neck even colder, as I'm used to having hair hanging down to keep it warm at this time of year.

Every night as I'm crawling into bed, the thought crosses my mind that I have to let my hair down before I lay down. It's not hanging around my face, so my first thought is that its pulled back. It happens every time. I truly forget that I don't have any hair on my head. Or at least, not much.

I may have mentioned this before, but walking around with no hair on my head draws attention, sympathetic looks, and prompts people to share stories with me. Often stories of their own status as a cancer survivor.

No one would ever wish to be battling cancer, but I must say its been an experience I don't regret. I don't wish it on anyone. But I do cherish the encounters with strangers, and the time and support of friends and family. The health care professionals. The strength and love and courage of everyone. Humankind is good.

Over the Radiation Hump!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel -- 18 down, 12 to go. Barring any cancelations, I will be done on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

I'm having to take an hour out of every day, and work around that hour between 10:30 and 11:30 every morning. But that's it. Oh, and remembering not to apply cream or lotion of any kind 4 hours prior, to the target area.

I can eat what I want and it tastes good -- tastes like it should! My head is clear -- no chemo fog. And of course, no nausea!

Now, there is the problem of the hot flashes. Those have lingered and I expect that to continue. I've been doing a bit of research and confirmed that yes, chemo can put you into menopause. It was getting close to that time anyway, I figure! And hot flashes can be worse when chemo is the trigger. I figure I'm somewhat in the middle as far as hot flashes go. I'm painfully aware of them, and they're still waking me several times a night. But my heart rate doesn't change, and I don't think my face gets flushed. (I keep forgetting to check in the mirror when one hits) I read of women who thought they were having a heart attack as their heart rate quickens with each occurence. So while they suck, they could still be worse!

And the kindness of family and friends never stops. I appreciate the kind words, cards, emails and never tire of hearing from everyone.

I was surprised by a package a couple of weeks ago. Marc was away and it was our wedding anniversary week -- he always seems to be away that week. So I thought at first it was from Marc. But upon opening the box, which contained a vase, cut flowers, and chocolates, I discovered it was from Pier, Nate and the bubs. So sweet, so beautiful, and so delicious!

Gorgeous!

Confessing here that no member of my family saw these fancy chocolates. I ate them ALL! And not even all at once. I paced myself and ate one or two a day, so I am guilty of not sharing, and hiding them. From the kids, the dog, and the husband. I'm not proud, but they were oh so good!

The following week, our neighbor Jane, who lives around the corner, surprised me with these. In lovely pink foil and with a pink bow. Beautiful and perfect for the season.