Day Before Round Three

In my mind, I try to get a lot done on this day, knowing that I'll be down and out for the next few days. I think the steroids help cuz I don't seem to get as tired as other days in this cycle. I guess that's why I have trouble sleeping on those days. I believe that's listed as a side effect. Along with heartburn, which, yeah, I get. But I haven't had the whirlies since the first time. Must have gotten used to that!

The day before and after chemo I'm required to take steroids, which are also administered the day of. I've been given lorazepam to help me sleep, which I confirmed is OK to take the night before chemo. Learned that the hard way, after getting no sleep the night before round 2. Round 1 also, but I attributed that to nerves. Turns out it was probably the roids.

So I'm sitting up in bed, watching the power slowing drain, waiting for the lorazepam to take effect, listening to Gaby breathing beside me, missing Marc some 7000 miles away in Tokyo, and so very thankful that my Mom and Dad travelled here to day to be with us during round 3.

Just as soon as it was confirmed that I would be undergoing chemo, they offered to come here, anytime, if we needed them. That's very comforting and reassuring. All of my life I've always been able to count on my parents and this is no different. Love you guys, so much!!

Their flight out of Winnipeg left late, so they missed their connection in Minneapolis. Instead of arriving here at 1:45, the flight they had to take was scheduled to arrive at 5:48. Now, it was early, which was a good thing. Normally, they take the train and I'm picking them up at Glenside at 4. Instead, it was 7:30. But they heerrreeeee -- that's all that matters. And they got to know that Twin Cities airport pretty well!!

Grandma and Grandpa travelled with one suitcase and a carry on. Good thing, cuz good ole Delta charged them $25 to check that bag.

If it wasn't for all of the goodies they bring whenever they visit, they could probably just get away with a carry on, or at least checking one bag and not having to deal with much of a carry on. Check this out!!

You cannot get Dad's Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies here. Nor can you get Caramilks. We've recently seen Aero Bars at Fresh Market but they cost a fortune. And you most certainly can't get Tenderloin Kube here. Nothing close! In Canada, or at least in Winnipeg, we call it kubasa, or kobassa, whether you're Ukrainian or not. It's known as kielbasa here, and I've yet to find anything that tastes as good as Tenderloin's. It's so lean and garlicky and yummy .Nothing like it! And because it's made of pork, and vacuum sealed, there's no problem bringing it across the border. Notice how we don't ask them to shop the duty free for us -- just chocolate and kube!

(Not pictured is a giant bag of dill pickle sun flower seeds for Gaby to share with Grandpa. They didn't waste any time getting their respective 'spitz' containers out and cracking a few dozen after dinner!)

Last but not least is my Mom's fruit cake. There have been countless jokes made about fruitcakes. Regifting, door stops, heard 'em all. But those people have never tasted my  Mom's light (white) fruit cake. Give me a cuppa tea, Earl Grey with milk and a touch of sugar, a couple of slices of Mom's fruit cake and I'm in heaven.

You might be wondering about the date on the cake. When she makes the cakes in early fall for Christmas, the recipe calls for rum to be poured over the baked loaves. She then puts them inside a crock in the basement and they sit, and moisten til Christmas. Can't taste the rum, but it must both add moisture and act as a preservative, because we often eat them into the following summer and they fine.

Me, I think I'll have some for breakfast. During chemo, if it appeals to you, you eat it. And fruit cake for breakfast appeals to me!

But what I'm looking forward to even more is sharing breakfast with my Mom and Dad, even if they're not on board with the fruit cake idea themselves. Did I mention how much I love you guys?! XO

Driver's License Renewal means a new Photo

My birthday is next week. Three days after chemo, which kinda sucks, but at least it's not the day of. But what that also means, every four years, is that I must renew my license in person and have a new photo taken.

I realized this when I received the paperwork in July, before I started chemo. I thought about it after round one. I was feeling good that second week and figured I should get it done, just in case I lost my hair. Remember, I wasn't really sure it was going to happen, and even if it did, I didn't know when. But I had thought it would be a good idea to renew my license that second week, the week of July 19th, just in case.

Trouble is, I didn't write it down on my list of things to do that week. I certainly would have had time, as Gaby was at Robbins Park every morning and there wasn't too much else planned. But the week passed, I still had my hair, and my license renewal was still pending.

That third week, exactly two weeks after my first chemo, the hair loss started. And as I mentioned in an earlier post, once it started, it came out fast. By the end of that week, when I again came across the renewal form, the week was too full to squeeze in a vist to the DMV. It was also the end of the month and it would have been busy. Really busy.

Mondays are our booked and busy days this summer, where I get Nick to his weekly allergy appointment and guitar lesson, as well as take care of food shopping and a couple of other weekly errands. It works well with the chemo schedule too, but didn't leave room that Monday before chemo round 2, to get that photo done.

Truthfully, by that time, there was little evidence of Annmarie's beautiful handiwork. The hair on the sides was still hanging on, but the hair on top thinned out quite fast over the weekend. Can you say male pattern baldness? I frightened and freaked out some people in my travels that day, wearing a regular baseball cap. Some didn't recognize me, some noticed the shorter hair and others seemed uncomfortable with the change.

I obviously wasn't visiting the DMV the week of round two. Last week I had decided that I would either visit or call, to see if I could postpone a new photo for several months. I had no idea what their policy was on head coverings and did no online research.

Well this week, Nary and I were trying to find a morning to get together for coffee. She mentioned she needed to get her license renewed. Now she's a September birthday, but since school starts again for her in just over a week, she wanted to get this taken care of before then.

Remember, I'm now dealing with some sort of conjunctivitis, so I'm unable to wear any sort of eye make up. Combine that with my new hairless look and it gives me a less than healthy, somewhat under the weather, appearance.

But that's not all. On Monday, when retrieving boxes from the front step, I imagined Roxi was approaching and swung around a bit too fast and off balance, to head her off. I caught a metal door stop type of device, with my nose, taking a chunk of skin and leaving an unsightly mark which is presently a lovely shade of navy with a hint of reddish purple.

I honestly feared it might be broken and iced it for a good while after. Gaby just shook her head, not quite getting how I had inflicted this upon myself. That made two of us. Of course my sister Linda wasn't surprised at all that my nose, of all things, got in the way.

So on Wednesday morning, I rushed back from mall walking, chose a fairly neutral scarf, made a futile attempt at eyeliner, and put some tinted clearasil on my nose, since I have no cover up. What a sight!

When we got to the DMV I took a number, to take my turn at asking the question about delaying the photo. Well it turns out that I could keep the scarf on, 'for medical reasons' and have the photo done that day. Trouble was, I hadn't paid for my renewal ahead of time, which would have meant I would have had the camera card in hand. Instead I had to take another number to wait for a different person to process my payment and prepare the camera card, then go back to that area to have the photo done.

I was a bit worried, since Nary's kids were at soccer camp that morning and we had to be done in time to pick them up. Now SHE had the camera card, and while I was asking my question, she was photographed and done.

We had to wait another 5 or 10 minutes before my number came up and I took my turn at the counter, cheque in hand, ready to pay. The woman processing the payment revealed that she was an 11 year cancer survivor, asked about where I was at in my treatment, and advised me to have a big party to celebrate the end of my treatments. Great advise, I'd say!

She also assured me I wouldn't have to take a third number to wait to have my photo done, but rather, would walk it over to someone who would make sure the photo could be done as is.

Well, the woman assigned to do the photograph, who appeared to be under cover of a wig, was in fact also celebrating the completion of chemotherapy for uterine cancer. She took her time, we exchanged stories, all the while going through the process of getting my new license. We agreed that this common experience we were in the midst of was enlightening. A good word that covers the education that comes with a cancer diagnosis. You learn about the process, you learn how very many people have and are going through the same thing, and you learn about how many skilled, caring and compassionate people work to get you through it. Enlightening, yes.

Now, she offered me a preview of the photo, as she did with my signature, before it was finalized. Not great. More like awful, but hey, it's a driver's license photo. My nose has a dark bruise and cut on one side, my eyes are void of make up and my head is covered with a scarf that I realized too late wasn't the best colour choice for this. A true DMV photo!

The woman who processed my payment, who suggested a party should be in my future, said that, while I didn't hear it from her, once my hair is back to a satisfactory length, I should come back in, pay the $12 fee and have the photo retaken. I just might do that.

In the meantime, I live with a classic DMV photo.

Nary's turned out much better than mine, but this is the best look you'll get of all of them.

With the holographs they use, I don't know how well it would scan, so even a scanned image might not reveal the true beauty that I could well have to live with for the next four years.

Catching Up & Cared For

I've come to the conclusion that the middle week of my chemo cycle is the best. I think I'm so thrilled to be coming out of the fog that even the bone pain can't get me down. Slow me down, yes, but not get me down. I remind myself that the neulasta is doing it's job, regenerating those white blood cells and hopefully keeping more bad stuff at bay.

However, the bone pain did drag out a bit more this time. The ibuprofen did make it bearable, but it was around for 2 or 3 days. I made it to the mall for my morning walk with Robin and Heidi on Monday, but that was it for the week. I had a lousy sleep Monday night with a middle of the night hot tubby (yeah, bone pain) so caught up on my sleep instead of walking. Wednesday we decided to take in the free morning movie at the Regal with the B's, so that was my excuse for not walking, and Thursday we were packing for our overnight to Rehoboth. That was a lame excuse, I know!

We drove to Rehoboth for an overnight with several people from our church. Elise and her family have spent summers there for forever, and they were our hosts. Two vehicles and a total of 9 of us joined them for a night and beach day, which didn't meet expectations due to the rain. Yeah, the rain that started up again as we were loading the car to leave, and hit yet again, with full force, after our pizza dinner on the boardwalk. Just bad timing and a prelude to more adventures on Friday the 13th. It was still a lot of fun and gave us some great stories to tell!

Marc was in India last week and had arrived home by the time we got back Friday night. Both of us noticed upon waking Saturday that our eyes were kind of gunked up. We attributed it to the open windows and possible pollen or some other sort of allergens, though neither of us are prone to seasonal allergies. Mine continued and seemed to get worse, so today, I visited my doctor, to determine whether or not it might be pink eye. Just what I need right now!

After walking with Robin this morning (4 for 4 this week) I called my doctor's office and they offered a 10:00 appointment. It was already 9:15, so I raced home, showered, dressed and headed back out the door. A benefit of no hair on my head and super slow growth on my legs and pits is how very fast I can shower and be ready. Add to this the fact that I'm wearing no eye make up because of the constant tearing and gunk (no itching or swelling I might add!) and I had no problem getting to the doctor's office on time.

He wasn't 100% sure that it was pink eye, pretty much eliminated allergies, and gave me a prescription for antibiotic drops, which I'm administering every 4 hours. I've only done it 3 times so far, and haven't noticed a difference yet. It should take at least a day, I've been told, and I must continue the drops for 5 days.

Now Marc's eyes aren't bothering him anymore, so we're not sure what that means. Is my immune system in its somewhat compromised state unable to fight this off on its own? Dunno. We'll see what the drops do.

This week has been mostly about cleaning Gab's room and readying for this weekend's yard sale that she and her friend Claire are holding at Claire's house. That and yard work, birthday parties, build & grow at Lowes, big concert for Nick, and catching up with friends we hadn't seen much of this summer.

And being cared for. In so many ways.

The week of my second chemotherapy I received a package in the mail from Jean, the lady who was at Annmarie's when she gave me my beautiful haircut. This is what was in it:

Jean and I are are now FB friends and looking forward to a shared appointment at Annmarie's sometime at the end of the year, when I hopefully have some hair for her to work with!

Last Tuesday FedEx was at the door early in the morning with a package from my cousin Darren and his family in NYC.

More beautiful head gear! These I have to fight Gaby for. I must admit they do look good on her. Really good! I like them as an alternative to scarves. Something different. And they're quick, for when someone comes to the door unexpectedly and I don't want to scare them with the Kojak look, especially if I don't know who it is!

That's exactly what happened on Wednesday. There was a knock at the door and the kids and Roxi answered it. I scrambled to put something on my head and was met by Maria and two quarts of Rita's! Awesome, and perfect for the heat and humidity that's been our summer, and for me, with my 'compromised' appetite. Most things just don't taste good, but I can't go wrong with water ice. Black cherry and tangerine. Yum!

Returning from Rehoboth late Friday night, I had to wait til Saturday morning to pick up the held mail. There was a card from Cathy (and Kathy, I didn't properly acknowledge your card, as I gave credit to Cathy instead! you two kind of go together in my mind, but I know I mentioned the wrong Kathy/Cathy last time, so thanks to both of you!) and a package from Jasmine. A variety of Arbonne skin care products to use on my delicate skin. Fabulous Jaz!

During chemo, one is supposed to take extra special care to moisturize and protect, and Jasmine is an expect in that field, so she sent some goodies for me to try out. It's too bad you're all the way over in Utah Jasmine, as I could use some eyelashes. The brows are still holding on, but the lashes are pretty short and sparse. Which might be a good thing right now with this conjunctivitis thing going on!

Because my eyes were already bothering me when this arrived, I've yet to try it. I'm chomping at the bit to get my eyes healed so I can use it.

Kathy had contacted me last week about bringing over another dinner. After the last meal she blessed us with, I wasn't about to refuse, so we agreed on Sunday. Check out the spread she and Ashley delivered!

Spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad with extra veggies from the garden and pizzelles. Kathy said she had to hide the pizzelles she was saving for us. Oh so good! And a bottle of wine, which I'll save to celebrate the end of chemo. Since the fog the chemo brings feels similar to having consumed 'one too many', I don't want to intensify that feeling right now.

Anne delivered a delicious dinner on Monday. We were still enjoying Kathy's dinner that day and for a lunch or two, so I'm not surprised that the food that Anne brought was still part of today's dinner. Every meal that we've been fortunate to receive has been good for at least two dinners and a lunch here and there.

 Fruit salad, green salad, banana bread, turkey and couscous. So much and so good!

Yesterday afternoon, shortly after hearing the UPS truck, I asked Gaby to check out front to see what the man in brown had left. To her surprise and mine, there was a goodie bag between the doors, from Heidi and Kait.

An assortment of snacks, cheese, crackers, apples, cookies, caramel corn and chocolate covered cherries. What a lovely and delicious surprise! Gaby claimed the popcorn.

A card from Jill was also in yesterday's mail, and my Aunt Lorette sent a card all the way from North Pender Island. Just because the mantel's full doesn't mean we're not finding a way to enjoy all of the cards and their beautiful sentiments. It's always so nice to receive them -- I'm very thankful and very blessed.

Chemo - 2 down, 2 to go: Resurfacing

Second round of chemo was this past Tuesday. Its now Sunday and I'm still feeling fuzzy, nauseous, blah.
Worse than the last time? Perhaps.
But we're certainly as well taken care of as last time!

Nina delivered dinner on Monday: brisket and kugel. We enjoyed it Tuesday and Wednesday, and I had some myself on Tuesday.

Gaby spent Tuesday at Ashton's, Wednesday with Sarah's family, slept at Claire's Wednesday, slept at Ashon's Thursday, was back with Claire's family Friday and Saturday afternoons. Nick, more self sufficient, was back and forth with friends.

Liz delivered a yummy taco dinner on Thursday which also served us for two dinners.

I must stress that even though I don't feel like eating much, I'm thankful that my family is well fed. I don't feel much like cooking either, and if left to their own devices, my children would be eating too many hot pockets and bowls of ramen.

The chemo itself was routine. No surprises, same as last time. Getting an on time start meant that I was actually home around 1:00 on Tuesday. I did take it easy, but more because I was tired from having gotten only 1 hour of sleep the night before. Next time, I'll take something to aid with sleep, as the steroids I'm required to take keep me awake.

I posed with Gaby's sign when I returned home from round 2. She had modified the sign last week, with a portrait she had done, using my REAL HAIR. Pretty cool, isn't it?! And this is my new look. I wore Trac's scarf and Liz's earrings for my second round of chemo. Quite fashionable, don't you think?!

The EMEND that I was prescribed for nausea didn't seem to be that much more effective than what I was given last time. But perhaps the nausea was actually worse this time and would have been unbearable without it. Don't know. This is supposed to be the heavy duty stuff, the big guns. Last time, I felt nauseous for several days following chemo and there wasn't much in the way of food, that I found appealing. I stuck to several foods that I recalled eating during my pregnancy, especially with Gaby. A week after the chemo my appetite started to return, though some foods continued to hold little appeal.

I guess I was expecting it not to be as bad this time, so I'm disappointed. But as I said, who's to say that it wouldn't have been even worse without the Emend. Two theories that were explained to me about chemo: one, that your body gets used to it and each treatment isn't as rough as the previous. I like that one and was hoping for that scenario. But,  perhaps the second theory applies to me: the effects from the chemo are cumulative. It's in my system and with each subsequent treatment I'll feel worse. If that's the case, I'm glad I'm only facing two more treatments!

I was determined to get through this one 'faster' than the last. I've read and been told to drink a lot in the first few days after chemo, to flush out the bad stuff. I stocked up on just plain bottled water for round two. The first time, I tried iced tea, which I love, and from there went to water with just lime or lemon. Ginger ale wasn't bad, but I couldn't drink an entire glass unless I was eating. But I was sure that plain, cold, bottled water would go down well and be just the trick to flush away the bad.

What I've discovered is that even plain cold bottled water has a funny taste after chemo. I tried, but I don't think I drank more than 4  1/2 l bottles on Wednesday, and not sure if I even got to 4 on Thursday. So that could be part of the reason why I felt crappy for several days after.

I took the Emend on Wednesday and Thursday as directed, and supplemented with another anti-nausea medicine that I had taken the last time. Again, I just have to believe that I would feel even worse if I didn't have these.

Also had to take the steroids the day after, which meant also taking Pepcid, since the steroids give me heartburn. Oh, and since the steroids can also keep me awake, it's OK to take something to sleep that first day/night after. It's kind of comical, the meds, and the side effects and the meds for the side effects. I just have to keep telling myself two more times. Radiation will probably be a walk in the park after this!

Gave myself my neulasta shot on Wednesday.  All by myself. I took some photos with the timer, but I don't see the point of sharing my fat belly roll with me plunging a needle into it! It's actually a bit out of focus, and certainly not terribly flattering. I can share some of my bald shots if I really want to freak people out!

As always, calls, emails, IM's, cards keep me going. Words of encouragement and offers of help continue to come our way and I'm so thankful. A. Judy, Maureen and Cathy added cards to the collection on the mantle and there's no longer room for all of them any more.

(If you look closely you can catch a glimpse of my pale bald dome!)

Yesterday, I was reading the Parade magazine that comes with the weekend paper, and there was an exerpt from a book by Susan G. Komen's sister Nancy Brinker Promise Me   It moved me to tears, not surprising, given my situtation. But it made me think about how fortunate I am to be fighting this fight at this time. What Susan Komen had to endure seems unbearable. She and her sister were and are, the true face of courage. This book comes out September 14th, my last scheduled chemo. I'll have to get myself a copy.

Like A Puppy's Belly!

That's what my scalp feels like right now. There's so little hair left that I can get a good feel! Soft and a bit loose in spots. Reminds me of Roxi's 'pink part' as we liked to refer to the hairless part of her belly when she was very young. It's still pink but the fur has long since grown in, and it's just not as soft. But we now have my scalp to recall that memory. Though it's not as cute!