The Awesome Annmarie!

Check us out!!

Don't we look beeyouteafull?!! We both have Annmarie to thank for that! She always looks amazing and makes magic with my hair, which at the best of times is somewhat fine and sparse. She manages to make it look and feel wonderful.

But she really rose to the challenge yesterday, when I showed up with easily half my normal head of hair and asked her to shorten it.

The last time I wore my hair short was 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Gaby. And I didn't really care for the style then. But it wasn't Annmarie who was caring for my hair then, so perhaps that's why!

Yesterday, she worked magic and we both loved  the result, as did Jean, who was actually 'processing' while I was there.

I came with clean wet hair. Not my norm, but given the amount that I was shedding, I chose to take care of it at home rather than ask that of Annmarie. It was coming out by the handfulls. In my wise decision to stop brushing it after last washing it on Tuesday, I think I made the situation worse. I always put my hair up in the summer heat, and when I took it down Thursday night before bed, it was a loose and matted mess. Except that this time, when I was trying to untangle the matts, the hair would just come away from my head. Kind of creepy, actually. Once it's away and gone that's fine, but pulling my hand away from my head and seeing what I call gorilla hands (hands covered in hair, like when we bathe Roxi!) is a very strange feeling. Knowing that it's your own hair.

What was also weird was looking at my hair, and part (line, as Gaby calls it) before stepping into the shower yesterday morning and seeing how much it had 'widened' once I was done.

However, you wouldn't have known how little Annmarie had to work with when you saw the final result. She actually started cutting with a different style in mind, then changed her mind halfway through. An artist with a vision!

I love it and wish I had more time to enjoy it!

Written advice and accounts that I've read about chemo and hair loss suggest cutting your hair short before you start losing it. But a part of me still didn't know, for sure, if I was going to lose it. You don't really believe it until it starts to happen. Nurse Betty didn't say I might lose my hair, she said I WOULD lose it. And she should know! Even now, it's happening, and I know it will be gone soon, but I still can't envision it all gone. I do know that now that I have my new hair style, I wish I had cut it sooner.

Annmarie styled and scrunched it and used hairspray not only to hold the style, but to hold those hairs in place a little longer. It looked great all day, for my lunch and trip to IKEA with Nary, for my dinner at LuLu with Marc and for my night out with Carole and Elizabeth to finally see Eclipse. (I'll also mention that Nick spent the afternoon and evening with friends celebrating one of their birthdays, Gaby enjoyed another marathon Monopoly game with Sarah all afternoon, and Marc got his weekend off to an early start with a Friday afternoon round of golf)

I always enjoy my appointments with Annmarie. A chance to catch up and laugh. Yesterday was as much fun as always. Occasionally, there are other clients there and they're always nice people too. Jean was certainly no exception.

I'm thankful that Gaby came along to snap photos, even though I think a visit with Buddy the dog was more her motivation.

I'm thankful for Annmarie and the gift of this haircut. Yes, when she was done, I was told that this was a gift. Thank you Annmarie! You know how much I love it and as I said, I only wish I could enjoy it for longer.

Gaby snapped quite a few pictures from different angles, so we do have some images to reference when it starts to grow back and I finally have enough hair to style again.

Many people who experience hair loss due to chemo find that when their hair begins to grow back it can be a different colour, thicker, curlier. I'm hoping for all of those, unless the different colour is all grey! Though Annmarie also works wonders with colour, so that should be the least of my worries.

Many say that hair loss is the most traumatic of the chemo ordeal. Too early to say at this point, but it's certainly strange and unlike anything else I've experienced. I'm sure I'll have a better idea after a few months of hairlessness. But what I can say is that, like everything else I've been through since my breast cancer diagnosis, going through it with the love and support of so many amazing people, family, friends and sometimes even strangers, is what makes it manageable. They certainly buoy me.

Thanks again Annmarie!

Cook For A Cure -- Recipe Books Now Available!

My lovely friend Jasmine was working her buns off last year collecting, as she put it, delectably delicious, divinely sinful, family favorite recipes, from her friends, family and fans, for The Cure Congenital Muscular Dystrophy Cookbook. It is now ready for advance ordering! I've placed my order and received confirmation that it will ship mid-August. Can't wait!

If you're interested in ordering, please following this link to Jasmine's blog, the post with the ordering information.

If I didn't know about all of the scrumptious recipes inside, I could be tempted to purchase it just for the fabulous cover art. Jasmine and her son Isis are the creative force behind it. Isn't it awesome?!

Please consider checking it out. It's in support of a great cause!!

Hair Today, Gone Friday

Trac, the timing of the scarf was perfect. I will, in fact, need it!

Monday night, when I took the pony tail holder out of my hair, more hair than usual came with it. Yesterday morning, when I ran my fingers through my hair, same thing. My friend Elizabeth compared it to hair after childbirth, when we start losing it again. I thought that was a good comparison, cuz it's coming out by the handfuls.

And yesterday when I was showering and gingerly shampooing my hair I thought how ironic it was that I had to be so very cautious with the remaining locks on my head, and still had to worry about shaving my legs and pits. The tweezers aren't going to get a break either, from what I can tell.

Last weekend, my hair started feeling 'sore'. You know that feeling when your hair's been up/tied back for too long? You really notice it when you release it, as if it's been bent the wrong way for too long. Well, I realized my entire scalp had been feeling that way and didn't put two and two together til yesterday. I'm guessing it's all part of literally letting go of my hair.

I went out for coffee last evening with some girlfriends. Except for some Moroccan Oil, I made no attempt at further product or styling. Everytime I touch my hair, long strands fall away. So I went out with wet hair, and as it dried, I felt more hairs falling on my arms and shoulders, a tickle here and there. Shedding like crazy!

I realized I had to take the next step, and was lucky enough to reach Annmarie yesterday afternoon. I have an appointment Friday at noon for a short crop and we'll probably have to follow up in a week or two with the clippers. Sadly, I'm not the first person she's had to do this for, so at least one of us will know what to expect. I've trusted her with my hair for years and I'm so glad she's around and available to do this for me. Being summer, I wasn't sure if that would be the case, so I'm thankful it worked out. I feel much better placing myself in her hands.

I'm no longer brushing my hair as I'm trying to preserve it for as long as possible. I'm looking forward to a pixie cut on Friday. Something along the lines of Ellen's style perhaps. The only problem is that I can't style it and it's really starting to look unhealthy already, though that could be the lack of product that I'm too cheap to now 'waste' on my hair!

I tried to snap a 'last' picture of my hair this morning. I was getting ready to dash out the door for my 8:00 mall walk, and thought I tried myself, as the kids were still in bed. Now Manon does great self-portraits with her camera. I cannot. What you see is the best of a dozen attempts. Granted, I was rushed. But none were good. I didn't find this out til after I came home from my walk and put my hair up in a lovely camo scarf to bake cookies.

Be assured that I feel better than I look in this picture! Hadn't washed my face or applied make up of any sort, though there might be some of yesterday's residue. My hair's already looking sparse, though as I said, the brush is put away, so that doesn't help it's appearance.

Good morning!!

Yesterday's mail brought another surprise package, similar in size and shape to Tracey's from the day before. I should also mention that Tracey and Brenda, the sender of this package, are former co-workers and some of my potluck girlfriends.

It was another beautiful scarf in different, yummy colours, and the same lightweight cotton and fringe. Very 

cool!

 

More emotion this time. Not because of the sender, though Brenda and Tracey would like to argue that!  Because in the time that passed from receiving that the first one on Monday to the second one yesterday, I realized that I would need them. Something else that I will keep close to me, from two dear friends who are so close to my heart.

Great Days

Have happened pretty much every day since my diagnosis. It really doesn't take much to make a day great. Those especially crappy days, like a day of surgery, tests, and now, chemo, can quickly be turned around in a thousand different ways.

Since my chemo started, Gaby asks pretty much every morning, how I'm doing, feeling, how I slept. A lovely way to start a day.

Since sharing the news of my diagnosis and this journey, not a day goes by where I don't receive some sort of message, not so random act of kindness, love. Meals, books, cards, phone calls and electronic messaging via email, text, IM, blog comments. All great.

Yesterday was a banner day. I received an email from my cousin Peggy. We just haven't kept in touch over the years and keep up on each other's goings on through our parents. But yesterday she wrote, sharing words of encouragement and support not only from herself, but from her parents and siblings too.

She also shared a quote:

Instead of asking, "Why am I having to deal with all of this? ask yourself what you most need to learn from your experiences. View the situation much like the butterfly must see its cocoon....as a barrier you must break through to become the extraordinary creature you were designed to be."     ~Betty Mahalik~

Put a smile on my face and warmed my heart.

But that wasn't my one for the day. Yesterday brought the averages up!

I grabbed the mail on the way to drive Nick to his guitar lesson. It was fat and squishy, which can mean a package, which is always fun. Not one to wait, I was driving and opening. It was from TX, my friend Tracey, and I knew before I opened it that it was a scarf. A beautiful scarf. With a beautiful card in which she wrote that she knew I wasn't going to need it, but just in case . . .

Pretty, isn't it?

Turns out I missed some of the mail, which I noticed on my way back into the house. Two more cards. Both from Canada. More words of love and support from my friend Brenda, and a card from my Aunt Joanne, sending love and good wishes from the entire family. I hit the trifecta in yesterday's mail, let me tell you! Or perhaps I should consider it a hat trick! Either way, it was lovely!

Then last night, there was  knock at the door, early evening. A neighbor, Mrs. R, whom I wave to more than talk to just because of distance, was at the door, to give me a hug and good wishes, as she'd just heard my news. She herself had gone something similar in February, unbeknownst to me, and she's doing very well. She lost her husband several years ago and has remained vibrant and independent; where I see her most is in her yard and gardens. Fit and positive, it was a delight to receive a visit from her.

Under the heading of great days, I should also mention last Thursday.

Gaby's friend had slept over the night before, and just as they were getting ready to head off to their morning at Robbins Park, there was a knock at the door. Julie and her Dad Steve, from across the street, were delivering dinner all the way from Delaware. They're my friend Elise's family (part of the family) and Elise had told me a couple of days earlier that they'd be coming in from their summer place, with a meal.

In the bit of commotion that resulted from them coming and the kids getting ready to go, I forgot to snap a photo. I'm sure Julie was relieved anyway.

Delicious pasta with chicken and mushrooms, salad, rolls, and a blueberry cake/streusel that Nick practically inhaled. Yummo!

After camp, Nary invited us for lunch. It was just Gaby and me. Nary made quesadillas and chicken for the kids and these scruptious noodles for us.

 

Good without hot sauce and even better with. But I don't keep up with Nary when it comes to hot sauce. She grew up eating it like I did ketchup.

We spent most of the afternoon there, Gaby and Nary's daughter playing monopoly for about 3 hours. They played one quick game and then started a second which still wasn't over when it was time to go home. Intense.

My Aunt Judy sends regular emails and I came home to one of her encouraging and uplifting emails. Subject lines like: "I'm Proud of You" warm my heart.

A relaxing day for me. The only food I prepared was scrambled eggs for breakfast. And of course, warming Elise's pasta. Easy day in the kitchen and yummy for my tummy.

No More Secrets

From the day of my diagnosis, I've never really felt like I had cancer. Not that I had any idea of what that SHOULD feel like. But I didn't feel any different. Didn't look any different.

Having started chemo last week, that could change soon. In preparation, I did some shopping on etsy and one of my purchases has arrived.

It's a pretty batik fabric. Carole said it's me.

I don't think I'll mind the loss of my hair as much as the loss of my status. I'll go from blending in and being like everyone else, to, well, not.

This hasn't been a deep dark secret and I've never wanted it to be. But up 'til now, it's been easy for all of us to forget about it, put it out of our minds. Not that we do. We talk about it alot, especially since starting chemo. But it's just not staring us in the face.

When I took my prescription for the latest and strongest anti-nausea medicine in on Tuesday, I was asked what it was for. When I looked at the packet, it had chemo printed within the instructions for use. If there's a next time for filling that prescription and I show up with my new headgear, they may not feel the need to ask why I need it.

I don't think I'm prepared to lose my hair, because until it starts happening, I don't think it's gonna happen. If that makes any sense. It's not denial; I just don't know how, other than practical preparation like having a lovely scarf at the ready, you prepare for that.

In any case, it will make for some interesting posts, don't you think?

Dan Dan the Parking Man

Dan is actually the parking ATTENDANT at the Cancer Centre, but I couldn't resist the rhyme. While I didn't watch the Gong Show much, we all knew about Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. Showing my age here. You know, the Gong Show, back in the 70's?! Google it.

Tuesday was my follow up appointment with Dr. N, the medical oncologist in charge of my chemotherapy. I dropped the girls off at their Robbins Park camp (Gaby and her friend) picked up a huge shaken black tea lemonade from Starbucks (where, by the way, the smell of coffee is still a sad turn off!) and headed to the Cancer Centre.

It's adjacent/attached to the hospital and has it's own valet parking. Just for people using that building and it's facilities. Nice, because it's small, close and during the week it's always the same person running the show. Dan always has a smile and a kind word -- a nice way to begin and end appointments and treatments that aren't always pleasant.

I had been thinking about a monthly parking pass for August, since I have two treatments and at least two appointments, and was going to ask Dan about it. Parking is $5 a shot and a monthly pass is $10.

Well, Dan beat me to it. He asked about my upcoming schedule and pointed out that the powers that be had just raised the price of parking to $7.50. Wow! So he suggested a pass that would be issued that day, Tuesday and expire with the end of my chemo, mid-September. Very nice of him, I thought, and we agreed to settle it when my appointment was done.

I was early for my 9:45, having come straight from Robbins Park, so I had expected to sit awhile. That was not the case. I was taken back after sitting for about a minute. Just enough time to get my magazine open. Weighed, BP'd and blood drawn. BP was kind of high for me, 127 over something, but no one seemed concerned. Weight the same as a week ago, which is good for going through a week of nausea and eating what I felt like. Bowls of salt and vinegar chips for dinner and containers of Kozy Shack rice pudding when nothing else tasted good. And can't forget the hamburger helper!

What also surprised me was that my blood levels/counts hadn't changed. I only know this because I get a copy of it and side by side, last week, right before chemo, was the same as this week. Does that mean the neulasta is doing it's thing?

I met with Dr. N and Nurse Betty right on time. The doctor said my counts probably haven't dropped yet, as indicated by the bloodwork. Nadir is the term applied to this, the low point. I'm not sure of the correct terminology. I can't remember if she said I hadn't nadired yet, or reached my nadir. I'll have to clarify that with my next appointment.

We discussed the bone pain, which was actually less severe Tuesday than Monday. I had taken ibuprofen Monday night and again Tuesday morning, which seems to help. Dr. N also said that based on timing, and what I had told her, that should be the worst of it. And she was right. I felt a couple of twinges throughout Tuesday, but nothing as severe as Monday. That's a good thing.

I was still feeling the foggy head/brain and nauseated, and told her so. Both she and Nurse Betty seemed concerned about this and suggested pulling out the big guns with respect to anti-nausea meds, for next time. I was given a prescription for Emend, a tripack of 3 capsules, and told to fill it asap, just in case. Meaning, just in case insurance doesn't agree. Precertification might be required and have to be requested by the doctor's office. Once the prescription is filled, I'm to bring it with me for my next chemo.

Having gotten an early start, I was out of there shortly after 10, got my lovely red parking pass from Dan, and headed to Target.

Sure enough, the gentleman behind the counter asked the pharmacist to look at the prescription, came back and asked what it was for, and then told me they'd be checking with insurance. Standard in a situation like this. So I was surprised to come back to the filled prescription, though insurance stated something about 30 days. Now, that won't work for my 3 week chemo cycle, but since we don't know how effective the Emend will be, its not a problem, yet.

I have been keeping track of meds, my food intake, and how I've been feeling every day, in the hopes that the period of time following each chemotherapy will play out in a similar way, and I'll be able to plan better, both for myself and the kids.

Interesting journey, this.

So This is the Bone Pain

Silly me to think that I might not recognize it. Talk about discomfort. Painful. Worthy of prescription pain meds. Yuck.

I woke this morning at 4:44 a.m., extremely uncomfortable. My back hurt, and I thought I had just slept funny. Til I woke fully and realized this was a new sensation, right where Nurse Lesley said it would be. Lower back, pelvic area. I went downstairs and heated my lavender and flax filled heating pad thingy in the microwave, and tried that for awhile. When I found myself still awake and uncomfortable 45 minutes later, I decided a tubby was in order.

So I filled the tub and finished off my book club book, then shampooed my hair and even shaved my legs. All before 6:00 a.m. Efficient.

Popped tylenol as well, because that's recommended as the starting point. I was told that many people take prescription pain meds. While we have some in the house and I still have an unfilled prescription from my recent surgery, I'd rather not go there. The only thing I've been taking has been the pepcid for heartburn, and of course tylenol. But I needed to keep the heat on most of the day and I found walking and standing at times unbearable. Not to mention that I'm moving much slower.

I searched a bit online for some information on neulasta side effects and how different people handled them. Some people surprisingly found relief from Claritin (not D) and others said Ibuprofen or Naproxen did the trick. I think I'll try the Ibuprofen and see if it's a bit more effective.

On a positive note, I'm not really having trouble eating, but rather just finding foods that are appealing. So like when I was pregnant with Gaby 10 years ago. Even the same time of year. And so much alike, that, when Nick suggested DQ Blizzards last night in honour of National Ice Cream Day, we did! Banana Split Blizzard with Vanilla Ice Cream. Got a wee bit of fruit there!

So I'm missing this:

My spices. Seasonings. Food with lots of TASTE! I did have some chips and salsa today. I sampled a bit at Fresh Market earlier when I was in search of tea biscuits (which I didn't find) and I brought some of that Sarah's Salsa home.

I'm finding beverages that are working for me:

Water, of course, V8's tasting yummy and I think I've have to stock up on that skinny sport water. It's good and goes down easy, which will be important for round 2, where my goal is to try extreme hydration right after the chemo. It's supposed to make you feel better sooner. Worth a try.

I also know that walking will make me feel better, but until I get this bone pain under better control, I can't see that happening. Mall walking might be in order, to get out of this oppressive humidity, but probably closer to the end of the week.

I have my appointment with Dr. N tomorrow. I would imagine she'll be checking my blood to see where I'm at. Sometimes I feel a bit feverish, but everytime I've taken my temp, it's been close enough to normal that I don't have to worry. I'm interested to see how tomorrow goes.

For tonight, I'm popping that Ibuprofen, warming my heating pad, and turning in early.